Truth is, I always thought that you were a jerk. I found you arrogant and I didn't like you at all. You can only imagine the shock I got when we started getting closer. I can still recall how the bond started over those weird McDonald's drinking glasses. We would buy breakfast together and end up talking about the most random things. That was when you started opening up to me about yourself.
I didn't realize the depth of your personality. I didn't think that behind the pessimistic I-Hate-The-World attitude lies a mature person who can actually hold meaningful conversations. I started to like you. PAUSE! I started to like you, as a good friend.
You shared almost everything with me. You told me things I'm not even sure you told anyone else (Although, I might just be flattering myself at this point). We argued often. Our views are either so similar that they fit perfectly or so different that we end up clashing. I would usually get mad and stop talking to you. But being the girl that I am, I would always be the first to start talking to you again. There are days when I think you don't even realize that you pissed me off. I understand. I'm always pissed off anyway so who has the time to keep track, yeah?
To quote what you once said, "We're like Adam Sandler, the way we just Click". We had the friendship thing down, or so I thought. Recently, you decided to drift away. No wait, you decided to SHOVE ME away. I still have no idea why. I still don't know what I did wrong. I just know that one moment, things were fine and the next, I've lost one of the people I can actually consider my friend.
I tried to reach out to you. I tried to talk to you. But any attempt met the same seven words "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT". It felt like a slap in the face. I started re-evaluating everything and now it feels like the whole friendship that I THOUGHT we had might have been nothing more than a figment of my imagination. You have no idea how painful it is to have someone I considered my friend suddenly decide to stop talking to me. Several times I have to give up my pride in an attempt to fix things but your adamant refusal to talk to me has made it more than just difficult. All I needed were answers. All I wanted was a chance to air out my side. But I think further attempts would be for naught. I am left with no other option but to give up.
Today, I write this letter not to ask for an explanation but simply to say thank you. I want to thank you for being my "buffer" when things were going wrong. Thank you for being the person that I rant to when everything seems to be falling apart. Thank you for encouraging me, for caring about me and for telling me to calm down when I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Thank you for introducing me to Mayday Parade, Real Friends and Man Overboard. Thank you for telling me to cease the moment and that sometimes once in a lifetime experiences trump practicality. Thank you, because I know that I really did have a friend in you even if it was temporary.
I know that you will NEVER be able to read this. But I have the habit of writing stuff on my blog to make me feel better. I hope that by the time I delete this post (possibly in a few months), I would have found a way to let the friendship go. Trust me, it won't be an easy task. But I think you deserve the space you seem to crave. I wish things were different. I wish things would still work out. I wish I didn't have to lose you or our friendship. But as I've told everyone I ever crossed paths with, nothing lasts forever. And this, is just life telling me that I am right.
PS: This is not a break up letter.